The Lonely Road

Like a bad premonition a.k.a. last week's blog, my relationship ended today. Among crying, my boyfriend decided that the best for me was to end the relationship. We both love each other, unfortunately he can't love me in the way I need, he loves me too much to see me miserable so he decided to end. I'm sad, I miss him already and yes the relationship wasn't working for about a month but I thought that he could change, that things could had get better...

How hard it's going to be waking up without his "good morning my love" text message or his "good night, I love you". Live without looking at those sky blue eyes that I felt in love with, that beautiful smile... So many plans we had together for a future, even move in together in summer now all gone. Today is Easter, the day our Lord Jesus resurrect from the death... but our sinking relationship went to an end and what we've got it's our life as single guys back...

I'm single again but I'm not the same guy of four months ago, I'm a better person now because of him, I even go to church now. Still can't believe this yet, how necessary is. I know I'll have problems to go to sleep but I want to believe God have better things for me and for him out there...

Loving the American Way - from an hispanic perspective

When two persons of different cultures get into a relationship, the differences are irrelevant till some months has passed and the initial pink mist of love clears out to see the other human real shape. How much one hold a concern about the things you don't like about your partner, when everything used to be perfect or relatively perfect but then those things are not acceptable now. How much dedication can you put into a relationship to the point of forget about ourselves yet this isn't valued. Coming from a culture of passion and passion drive decisions it's hard to adapt to a more cold shower and meticulous approach of interpersonal interactions. Maybe try to hard to please someone can actually backfire? Yes. When someone tells you that be together and spend time together all the time can and will asphyxiate him, when it seems that you don't have that many things in common with each other after all, when you try to spend time with your partner's friends although you don't have anything in common and it's boring to death, this it's when love too much can backfire. Your partner realize how miserable you're or seems to be and that's how it's suggested you spend time with your own friends and/or doing your own things. When seeing each other way to much it's a problem and that person ask you for space so they can miss you.

Here's two things, there's nothing wrong with this yet in some ways it open your eyes and in some hurts you. So, like a freezing water splash on a hot surface it will cause vapor an then the temperature will drop, so its does to one's heart. The feelings are still there yes, but things has changed inside? yes. You adjust and adapt to the new scenario but you feel different inside. Maybe it will take some more time to feel cherished but at this moment I feel hard inside. Yes, I'm using first person now, because obviously I'm talking about myself. Doubt that my boyfriend will ever find and/or read this blog so it's all okay. This days without being together had changed him, we spent last night together and this morning he seems way more loving than in past weeks but he has asked me if somethings wrong because I'm not quite myself because I'm not. Of course I told him everything it's fine. The talk we had about this was Wednesday night at his place, he wanted to spend the night with me Friday and I created plans with my friends so I had an excuse to make him wait more time for me. Most likely I'll do it again, in a way to give him what he wants the opportunity to miss me, only that I will make sure to give him more that he's expecting. This could go either way, either he will then demand more time with me or he'll be glad about the situation. Note, he does text everyday so we're not completely disconnected although, for me, that's not enough.

The big question is, would I be happy and feel loved again in a satisfying way? or I will eventually loose my feelings? It haven't been a full week of this events happening and my mind can't keep stop pondering this questions. Nobody it's perfect, not me an not him but he have so many good things to be a keeper...

What the Money can Buy!

Is funny when you are young at school, with no more responsabilities than study, clean your room, take out the garbage and if you're in sports assist to your practices. In that age you are eager to become an adult and get independent from your parents as well pursuit that career or profession you dream of. When you begin to go out with friends, now that those fairy tales doesn't exist, begin to experiments your first puppie love, when you had sex... is at that moment, when you lost you Innocence is when you'll never have it back, when you begin to see the darkness and the sharp images of the life. When your family doesn't have money to pay your college and you have to work to pay your studies, work at night, experiment depression because that person you loved so much doesnt love you anymore is when you're becoming an adult. When you have to also move up from your home and live with an stranger in an university campus or in a sole apartment, when where you've got to the university you're not sure or you didnt like what you always dream to study, is when it hits you. Besides the downs, there's also the ups, when you actually enjoy sex, when you meet new friends, when you hang out to bars and get wasted in a weekend's basis, when after semesters wasted you finally change to an area of study of satisfaction, when you got extra money or a promotion to buy those expensive shoes, or clothes, or accesories or electronic device you was craving for. In that phase of your life, when you know the value of the money and it's importance, when you become a materialist.

Materialist, as the famous Madonna song Material Girl, is usually conceived as this EVIL stamp that nobody wants and is so easily used as human defect pointer. Why is it? because a person who wants money for the reasons they needed that are not for greater good, common interest? Ambition another word tied to the first one, why is bad to be ambitious? Why is bad want to have more, why is bad don't conform with a rutinary middle-class life?

What I found, is that the most of the persons who critize are quite hipocrite. Do you tell me that is love all you need in life, if so when you or your beloved ones (partner, kids, parents) get sick they will get free service of a hospital? free medicines? free treatment for that life-threatening condition? Would you rent forever? when you can have the chance to pay a mortgage for an apartment or house of your own? as well a car (well needed in cities or countries when the public transportation system isn't easily available and 24/7)? I'm not talking about luxuries at this point, but things you need in day to day life. Not to mention food, water, electricity and cable tv bills, telephone and/or cellphones. What about you go naked to the school, job or out of your house? NO NO NO you nead to wear clothes, and clothes aren't free (Unless you get charity from a church or a missionary mission, so don't expect nice clothes either). Be materialist is not necessary crave for luxuries, but if you work hard and can afford them why not? For those of us who lives in a capitalist country (the most of us) we need money, because the money get us our needs, our comfort and most of everything. Can you criticize someone who's working more than 40 hours weekly to get extra money, to spend in a need or in a luxury, no!

People who says that can live only with love? Check their relationships, as soon one of both is unemployed or doesn't earn enough, begins the financial problems and as well problems in the relationship. Suddenly that love, romance and enthusiasm are replaced with discontent, frustration because you have to choose what not to pay in the month and the fights doesn't end. Money is not the direct cause, but indirect because without one you don't get the other things.

For good or for bad, be materialist is a necessary evil? if you want to call it that way. The answer is yes, even if is a priority in your life or not so much, be materialist is part of who we're and our existance, otherwise... you won't grow up and your parents will support you forever... just is your lost-innocence dreams!

DEPREDATORY SINGLES - Tv shows portrait fiction, wake up people!

New York is the city where everybody wants to live! We have fun 24/7, whatever you want to do and in the time you want to do it something is there for you. But real New York is not Sex and the City is not Gossip Girl, pin down someone in New York for a relationship is a full-time second job with extra hours that doesn't pay off right away.

In a city where the populations are millions and millions and more people that keep coming, we only become picky and pickier.

Bachellor 1 Handsome, nice dinner with flirting over the table, just after the dinner the motherfucker pull out a cigarette, kiss an ash tray...? nice touch!

Bachellor 2 Not handsome,with some years over your age expectations but… loaded! Since you're not that much into him you play the hard to get an squeeze him like orange in a thirsty day of summer. When you finally gave up and decide to get dirty, guess what? lousy in bed, erection problems or premature ejaculation.. what the fuck… SOMEBODY GET THE PUMP!

Bachellor 3 Handsome, well spoken, great kisser you even behave to don't jump over him the first night. Second date, all very nice till things get hotter when you're in a dark bar, when you touch him down there… an small pecker! what are you suppose to do? collect miniatures or fake sick to break up the date, hmmmm?

Bachellor 4 Which is one of the most common, they say they're into you the very first night they met, nice kisses, the first 24 hours a lot of calls and text messages, end of 24 hours puff! they vanish in thin air, you wonder like a mental-retarded what you've done to him to not respond or call back… absolutely nothing you stupid bitch! they're like that, players!

Like good jobs, this takes time, patience and discipline to get one, it may get to you TODAY or it may take 7 fucking years, but he's there… somewhere… In meantime you can play and be an slut like everybody else or do favor to an illegal alien and marry for money, hey! you want that Prada bag, don't you? ;-)

So close and So different

Once I see who I've become I'm able to understand the nature of others, how vulgar yet so elevated we can be from each other. I'm walking the streets of my favorite neighborhood and wonder how you're doing stranger. While walking by myself, scrapping the lasts bits of a cheap Granola bar you're eating a suculent dinner in a fancy restaurant with good company. When it's time to go home if it's late night I have to wait for a train to take me to the farthest regions of the city while you just hail a cab and in minutes you're home. We have the same age and a similar educational background, my job afford me a modest lifestyle while yours allow you to splurge. With a simple call you have many of those so called friends to hang out, me at the other hand barely manage to get a hold of one or two. Genetics brought me good looks, genetic brought you family money. I may have envy of you, I may one day posses what you have, yet in the infinite world of possibilities we may become friends dear stranger. We always long what we don't have yet this makes us work hard to achieve it, once we do, we become the other yet there's no total satisfaction because there's something else more elevated we wanted to achieve. This is an unending paradox between you and me, dear stranger.